I kind of vanished from the blogging world about 8 months ago, I'm not sure that there's any major factor that atributed to it other than lack of creativity and drive not only to write but to continue my optimism about my ever-changing body. I've sadly been at a stand-still in my weight loss journey for quite some time now and perhaps that ended my need to share my successes because there hasn't been many. I have, however, begun that journey again and decided that my day-to-day life is just as much a journey with successes, daily, with or without pertaining to my body.
So...what's been going on in the wonderful world of Shelby you ask?!? (Whatever, you didn't- but I'm going to share anyway!!)
After 6 months of unemployment I found what I truly believed was the perfect place for me and started in February. Unfortunately, I think I was just excited to have a job and I fell short of what I wanted, which in turn caused me to fall short of enthusiasm in the work place. I do not handle drama well, nor change, and in a situation with high turn-over and people from all walks of life I began to take home a little too much of the emotional stress than I should and it drained a part of me, which is normally very happy and optimistic. I felt horrible about letting down my boss at the time and I'd never really quit a job, not in 4 months (I did Cathy's Wok at the age of 15 and Schechter but that was after 11 years), this was a new and scary thing for me, I don't like letting others down!!!! I was looking but not actively and received a forwarded message on LinkedIn from a former co-worker that someone was looking for an Admin/Assistant type role in the Insurance field (something I knew from working at Cigna) so I messaged my resume and let the ball roll whichever way it would. After 2 interviews and a few weeks, I was offered the job and hated resigning where I was because it was so out of character but I had to do what was best for ME (another thing I seldomly do). I started my new job in July and have been so happy! I've learned so much, I've gone to seminars, classes, obtained my General Lines (Life, Health, & Accident) Insurance Agent's license, been certified for HIPAA and ACA, etc. It's an ever-changing world, health insurance, but so far I'm loving it!! After my 2nd week here at DBSI, Paul told me one night that I was a different person when I got home from work, that I was happy and still had energy and didn't retreat to my room in exhaustion or seem drained -- that is when I knew I had made the best choice EVER!
A few months back Paul and I opened the topic of children again, one that we'd closed, together, mutually having decided that we were so happy with us and our amazing nephews that we didn't really think children were in our future for financial reasons, etc. We were so set on that, Paul actually had a vasectomy consultation, something very few knew before this posting. I honestly had made him swear we'd never tell anyone that we medically took the option out of the equation because my family has always wanted me to have a child and just "not wanting one" was easier to admit than something as final as a procedure. After a lot of talks, lots of crying (mostly me - shocker), we decided that we do want a child!! So, the weight-loss journey is back on because we both feel that losing more weight will only help with conceiving and carrying, although my Dr., said go for it now, she thinks I'm in great health and sees no reason my weight and age will be a factor; still, the goal is try and lose another 50 lbs., I'm down 85-90 (depending on water weight) since surgery Jan. 23, 2012 - can't complain, especially since I honestly eat what I want just get full faster. So to the gym we've been going, higher protein diet I've been eating, and we will probably start trying around Feb/March time frame. We are also big on wanting to save enough financially that me taking maternity-leave won't gauge our finances too horribly.
Life really is a journey, one STEP at a time and I'm amazed with each unfolding day.
I'm still numb from my Mom's death which is fast approaching 2 years (10/31) and I find it hard to imagine having a child without her but I just know she'll be guiding me every step of the way.
I fall more in love with my amazing husband daily, especially watching him with our nephews, he loves each of them as much as I do and it's a sight that brings tears to my eyes on so many occasions, especially when he's reading to Banner, holding precious Quinn's teeny fingers, FaceTiming with Bubba (Colby) almost nightly, and helping Miles to grow into a little man with ease. I am more confident in the father that Paul will be than I am in the mother I will.
I truly am going to make a concerted effort to blog at least 1-2 a month because it is so therapeutic and I actually love it.
Some high points that I'll bullet point since my last entry just to get everyone caught up on whatever I don't post on FB (HA - that's everything):
*We celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary 8/18/13!
*Quinn Redding Johnson was borng 9/9/13, rounding out my nephew count to an even 4!
*Miles turned 9, Colby 3 and Banner 2.
*Sam and Am celebrated 4 years of marriage.
*Gayle and Jason celebrate 9 years of marriage.
*Paul and I went on our first vacation, 4 days in Port Aransas, TX (North Padre) and it was divine!
*Lots of good times with friends and family as always!
*Dad has found a happiness he hasn't had in a couple years, Vicki, has brought new fun and laughter into the family by way of a life-long friend, Mom would be happy!
So, my days go on, each one a new step in this crazy journey of life but I'm so excited and hopeful about the coming STEPS!!!!
Friday, October 4, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
I'm BACK!!!!!
I'm back and I'm determined!!!
So much has happened in the last 5 months, one not being weight loss :(
I am 100% that my discouragement has kept me from writing but I don't intend to let either happen again!!!
Let's start back before my last post: (going to present as a timeline)
August 16 - Excited as my impending nuptials were only 2 days away and I was scheduled off work the following day I was laid off at approximately 11:30AM. My position was eliminated and I was offered a small severance package and given time to collect my belongings. I actually felt a huge relief as I left the building, I hadn't been truly happy in my position & didn't feel stable by any means BUT in retrospect, I certainly liked having a steady pay check.
August 18 - I married the love of my life surrounded by the most important people in our lives, minus Mom.
September 23 - my last entry.
October - December 2012 - I enjoyed many amazing holidays with all of my loved ones, frustrated at the meals because they're all sooooo good and I can eat maybe the same amount as a child but still thankful that I haven't gained any weight.
FFWD: January 14, 2012 - This morning I woke up and had a slim fast shake!!! I have joined several support groups for the Vertical Sleeve Surgery that I had and gotten amazing advice and found that my loss, although slow for months now is still so amazing. I have to keep reminding myself that it took 37 years to get here and it's not going to just fall off overnight. My WLS (weight loss surgery) was not one like bypass or even the lap band, I don't get severely sick when I alter my diet, etc., the sleeve truly is a lifestyle change and tool not just an overnight answer.
I'm just kinda at the place where I can either regret the surgery (only happens when I'm full and amazing food is right in front of me and want sooo much more) or I can once again remember all the reasons I chose to have the surgery in the first place -- to lead an active and HEALTHY life, for me and only ME!!!!
While I'm still not comfortable posting my weight before and since surgery, I'm sure one day I'll feel extremely confident at how far I've come and release that information (I'm certain many have their assumptions anyway). I will hit my Yearsurgiversary on Jan. 23rd and hopefully I'll be at a strong 80lb loss if not more. For the last 6 months I waiver 75-80 but no real weight gain which is great. I'm down about 2 pants sizes and 3 shirt sizes and probably even more if I felt comfortable in closer fitting clothes (I always wore/wear bigger to "hide" even though I know it doesn't).
Still being unemployed is probably my biggest downfall, I have so much time on my hands and having a husband with an insanely fast metabolism, we do have things in the house that I shouldn't graze for but am fine admitting I do. I am trying to get myself to a very stable regiment and stick to it, including a very large jump in protein, water and exercise daily!!
Life doesn't always hand us the happiest or most capable opportunities. Sometimes I still question faith, G-d, etc. I don't understand why I wasn't born with the insides of so many girls, why can't I be one that can eat anything and everything and maintain the perfect body for them, why was my Mother taken from me at such a young age, why will my nephews never know her,etc. I don't think that I'm meant to have the answers to these questions but they burn within me all day every day.
All I do know is that MY LIFE, MY DECISIONS, MY WEIGHT, MY HAPPINESS; it's all only dependent on ME!!! I know that Paul loves me whether or not I lose another ounce but I also know that not loving myself will never afford me the happiness I deserve. I know that we all struggle and have these "ah ha moments" and I'm confident I'll falter many more times but I'm making a promise to myself to TRY, it's all I can do and I'm the ONLY ONE who can do it!!!
Thank you for allowing me to "put out there" what I write and I hope to get back to doing it much more often as it is so therapeutic.
Once again, here's to a better, not new, but happy ME!!!
So much has happened in the last 5 months, one not being weight loss :(
I am 100% that my discouragement has kept me from writing but I don't intend to let either happen again!!!
Let's start back before my last post: (going to present as a timeline)
August 16 - Excited as my impending nuptials were only 2 days away and I was scheduled off work the following day I was laid off at approximately 11:30AM. My position was eliminated and I was offered a small severance package and given time to collect my belongings. I actually felt a huge relief as I left the building, I hadn't been truly happy in my position & didn't feel stable by any means BUT in retrospect, I certainly liked having a steady pay check.
August 18 - I married the love of my life surrounded by the most important people in our lives, minus Mom.
September 23 - my last entry.
October - December 2012 - I enjoyed many amazing holidays with all of my loved ones, frustrated at the meals because they're all sooooo good and I can eat maybe the same amount as a child but still thankful that I haven't gained any weight.
FFWD: January 14, 2012 - This morning I woke up and had a slim fast shake!!! I have joined several support groups for the Vertical Sleeve Surgery that I had and gotten amazing advice and found that my loss, although slow for months now is still so amazing. I have to keep reminding myself that it took 37 years to get here and it's not going to just fall off overnight. My WLS (weight loss surgery) was not one like bypass or even the lap band, I don't get severely sick when I alter my diet, etc., the sleeve truly is a lifestyle change and tool not just an overnight answer.
I'm just kinda at the place where I can either regret the surgery (only happens when I'm full and amazing food is right in front of me and want sooo much more) or I can once again remember all the reasons I chose to have the surgery in the first place -- to lead an active and HEALTHY life, for me and only ME!!!!
While I'm still not comfortable posting my weight before and since surgery, I'm sure one day I'll feel extremely confident at how far I've come and release that information (I'm certain many have their assumptions anyway). I will hit my Yearsurgiversary on Jan. 23rd and hopefully I'll be at a strong 80lb loss if not more. For the last 6 months I waiver 75-80 but no real weight gain which is great. I'm down about 2 pants sizes and 3 shirt sizes and probably even more if I felt comfortable in closer fitting clothes (I always wore/wear bigger to "hide" even though I know it doesn't).
Still being unemployed is probably my biggest downfall, I have so much time on my hands and having a husband with an insanely fast metabolism, we do have things in the house that I shouldn't graze for but am fine admitting I do. I am trying to get myself to a very stable regiment and stick to it, including a very large jump in protein, water and exercise daily!!
Life doesn't always hand us the happiest or most capable opportunities. Sometimes I still question faith, G-d, etc. I don't understand why I wasn't born with the insides of so many girls, why can't I be one that can eat anything and everything and maintain the perfect body for them, why was my Mother taken from me at such a young age, why will my nephews never know her,etc. I don't think that I'm meant to have the answers to these questions but they burn within me all day every day.
All I do know is that MY LIFE, MY DECISIONS, MY WEIGHT, MY HAPPINESS; it's all only dependent on ME!!! I know that Paul loves me whether or not I lose another ounce but I also know that not loving myself will never afford me the happiness I deserve. I know that we all struggle and have these "ah ha moments" and I'm confident I'll falter many more times but I'm making a promise to myself to TRY, it's all I can do and I'm the ONLY ONE who can do it!!!
Thank you for allowing me to "put out there" what I write and I hope to get back to doing it much more often as it is so therapeutic.
Once again, here's to a better, not new, but happy ME!!!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Stalling, Stepping, Moving!!!!
Wow, I can't believe I haven't written since July and moreover I can't even begin to imagine where the time went! Life has been crazy - good & bad.
As far as the weight loss, those "steps" have been slow -- almost at a complete stall but I did finally see the Doc. (well his PA) for my 6 month post-op visit (except it was at 7 months). She assured me that everything I have been experiencing is 100% normal, that a 70lb. loss was exactly where they'd want me to be and that I might want to kick in some more protein and even think about doing the pre-op diet again (that's pretty much slim fast/1100 calorie a day diet). Apparently around the 6-7 month mark the hormones start to come back that make you hungry more often (normal!) so you're body is more or less going back to what you were used to and so you eat more, hence not losing as quickly. Since the appointment I have lost a few lbs. here & there and I'm soooo close to the 80lb. mark (my biggest goal as of yet). It's still very hard for me to see on myself although I do in my face and obviously in clothes, I'm down about 3 shirt sizes and 2 pants sizes. I was disappointed with wedding pictures but I think an obese person will always see themselves as such.
That pretty much was the perfect segue into the other "steps" since July!!! We got MARRIED!! The planning was so much easier than I thought (feared) because we kept it very intimate. OK, rewind a bit more first. July 28th -- some amazing people in my life (Gayle, Katie, Karly, Sarah,Jen & Chelly) threw me a Shower/Bachelorette night at Katie's house, it was beautiful, perfect, everything I could have wished for!!! So many special friends & family were there to celebrate me and Paul & my upcoming nuptials. I was in awe of the amazing things & words used to portray me as a person or friend, I guess I'm not so bad after all -- hehe. I was showered with gifts & love and it was the perfect evening!!! The next weekend my Aunt Pam and dear friend
, Amy threw me a bridal tea/luncheon. It was perfect! My cousins, sisters and best friend were all there to share a delicious lunch and once again celebrate mine & Paul's love! The boys went out that night to celebrate with Paul :)
I was so excited leading up to August 18th - the day I'd marry the love of my life. I stressed a lot that last week, mourned my Mom something awful and had a big, not happy surprise -- my job was eliminate, yep -- literally 2 days before the happiest day of my life I was given my "walking papers". I have to admit amongst the fear of being without a job I felt a sense of peace. I loved the people I worked with and having stability, a place away from home to go to daily but I knew the position wasn't necessarily needed and that in the almost 2 years there I was loosing a lot of my skills & knowledge. I left with my head held high and just looked forward to the next few days. Friday, Gayle, Jen and I spent the day being pampered courtesy of my Aunt Jamie. We had a wonderful lunch, and mani/pedis. That evening we were joined by more and had a wonderful dinner. Paul went to spend the night at Dad's because he didn't want to see me until I walked "down the aisle" and Gayle spent the night with me. We had fun getting the "wedding favors" together, giggling and talking and then of course she fell asleep on me lol. Saturday we woke up both very excited. We packed up what was left of my stuff to get ready and head to the Mariott Hotel at the shops of legacy where my amazing family (Aunt Pam, Uncle Glen, Katie, Karly, Jason & Bryce) had reserved a room for us to come to after the wedding. It was perfect and Gayle & I had so much fun getting ready together. A few hours to go and it started raining so we headed to Sam & Amber's house so I wouldn't ruin my hair and to put the final touches on the house for the wedding and on ME!!! It was perfect!!! My brother built the most gorgeous Chuppah for Paul, me and the Rabbi to stand under, he also had adorned the banister above it with 4 ivory roses & 1 red rose which he later found out is exactly how I had ordered my bouquet, the 4 ivory roses to represent the memory of my grandparents and the red rose to honor & remember my Mom!!!! It was perfect!!! Gayle & I finished getting ready in the back as the guests started to arrive. I truly felt like a Princess and loved every minute. We took some pictures of Paul & I on either side of the door but not able to see one another and I loved my nephews all dressed in matching outfits to walk in front of Dad & I. Finally it was time (and then my nerves started lol). Dad walked me down the man-made aisle to Pacabel's Cannon in D minor and I stood under the Chuppah facing the man of my dreams. It was a beautiful and fast ceremony ending in Paul breaking the glass and everyone yelling mazel tov!!! My most favorite part was the exchanging of the rings, we picked the wording to say, ...my beloved and my friend...because we are best friends! It was the perfect night, eating, drinking, talking with all of our favorites! We shared "our dance" and I danced with Dad -- that's when the crying started but as Dad so well he quickly made me laugh and it was just perfect. The night ended and Paul & I went to the hotel where we were greeted with champagne & chocolate covered strawberries -- it was perfect!!! We talked and laughed and...fell asleep (lol).
So, I guess I have taken many steps in the last months and just needed to put this laptop on to get the words out.
There are some steps coming upon us way too quickly that I'm terrified of but will take as I have everyday in the almost year since losing my Mom, one foot at a time. October 31st will mark 1 year since the worst day of my life, I'm trying so hard not to think about it but it's looming in the air. All I know is that there are angels among us and she's one of them that will envelope us on that day to make it a little easier.
As far as the weight loss, those "steps" have been slow -- almost at a complete stall but I did finally see the Doc. (well his PA) for my 6 month post-op visit (except it was at 7 months). She assured me that everything I have been experiencing is 100% normal, that a 70lb. loss was exactly where they'd want me to be and that I might want to kick in some more protein and even think about doing the pre-op diet again (that's pretty much slim fast/1100 calorie a day diet). Apparently around the 6-7 month mark the hormones start to come back that make you hungry more often (normal!) so you're body is more or less going back to what you were used to and so you eat more, hence not losing as quickly. Since the appointment I have lost a few lbs. here & there and I'm soooo close to the 80lb. mark (my biggest goal as of yet). It's still very hard for me to see on myself although I do in my face and obviously in clothes, I'm down about 3 shirt sizes and 2 pants sizes. I was disappointed with wedding pictures but I think an obese person will always see themselves as such.
That pretty much was the perfect segue into the other "steps" since July!!! We got MARRIED!! The planning was so much easier than I thought (feared) because we kept it very intimate. OK, rewind a bit more first. July 28th -- some amazing people in my life (Gayle, Katie, Karly, Sarah,Jen & Chelly) threw me a Shower/Bachelorette night at Katie's house, it was beautiful, perfect, everything I could have wished for!!! So many special friends & family were there to celebrate me and Paul & my upcoming nuptials. I was in awe of the amazing things & words used to portray me as a person or friend, I guess I'm not so bad after all -- hehe. I was showered with gifts & love and it was the perfect evening!!! The next weekend my Aunt Pam and dear friend
, Amy threw me a bridal tea/luncheon. It was perfect! My cousins, sisters and best friend were all there to share a delicious lunch and once again celebrate mine & Paul's love! The boys went out that night to celebrate with Paul :)
I was so excited leading up to August 18th - the day I'd marry the love of my life. I stressed a lot that last week, mourned my Mom something awful and had a big, not happy surprise -- my job was eliminate, yep -- literally 2 days before the happiest day of my life I was given my "walking papers". I have to admit amongst the fear of being without a job I felt a sense of peace. I loved the people I worked with and having stability, a place away from home to go to daily but I knew the position wasn't necessarily needed and that in the almost 2 years there I was loosing a lot of my skills & knowledge. I left with my head held high and just looked forward to the next few days. Friday, Gayle, Jen and I spent the day being pampered courtesy of my Aunt Jamie. We had a wonderful lunch, and mani/pedis. That evening we were joined by more and had a wonderful dinner. Paul went to spend the night at Dad's because he didn't want to see me until I walked "down the aisle" and Gayle spent the night with me. We had fun getting the "wedding favors" together, giggling and talking and then of course she fell asleep on me lol. Saturday we woke up both very excited. We packed up what was left of my stuff to get ready and head to the Mariott Hotel at the shops of legacy where my amazing family (Aunt Pam, Uncle Glen, Katie, Karly, Jason & Bryce) had reserved a room for us to come to after the wedding. It was perfect and Gayle & I had so much fun getting ready together. A few hours to go and it started raining so we headed to Sam & Amber's house so I wouldn't ruin my hair and to put the final touches on the house for the wedding and on ME!!! It was perfect!!! My brother built the most gorgeous Chuppah for Paul, me and the Rabbi to stand under, he also had adorned the banister above it with 4 ivory roses & 1 red rose which he later found out is exactly how I had ordered my bouquet, the 4 ivory roses to represent the memory of my grandparents and the red rose to honor & remember my Mom!!!! It was perfect!!! Gayle & I finished getting ready in the back as the guests started to arrive. I truly felt like a Princess and loved every minute. We took some pictures of Paul & I on either side of the door but not able to see one another and I loved my nephews all dressed in matching outfits to walk in front of Dad & I. Finally it was time (and then my nerves started lol). Dad walked me down the man-made aisle to Pacabel's Cannon in D minor and I stood under the Chuppah facing the man of my dreams. It was a beautiful and fast ceremony ending in Paul breaking the glass and everyone yelling mazel tov!!! My most favorite part was the exchanging of the rings, we picked the wording to say, ...my beloved and my friend...because we are best friends! It was the perfect night, eating, drinking, talking with all of our favorites! We shared "our dance" and I danced with Dad -- that's when the crying started but as Dad so well he quickly made me laugh and it was just perfect. The night ended and Paul & I went to the hotel where we were greeted with champagne & chocolate covered strawberries -- it was perfect!!! We talked and laughed and...fell asleep (lol).
So, I guess I have taken many steps in the last months and just needed to put this laptop on to get the words out.
There are some steps coming upon us way too quickly that I'm terrified of but will take as I have everyday in the almost year since losing my Mom, one foot at a time. October 31st will mark 1 year since the worst day of my life, I'm trying so hard not to think about it but it's looming in the air. All I know is that there are angels among us and she's one of them that will envelope us on that day to make it a little easier.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Strength
It’s been quite some time since I’ve updated my blog; I think I’ve had writer’s block. Unfortunately, along with the writer’s block, I’ve had a bit of a weight loss block as well. It’s totally common to have plateaus throughout the weight loss process but I’m very disappointed to be experiencing it with only 47 days to my wedding. I guess considering that I’ve lost 63lbs. in 5 months I shouldn’t be such a cry baby, I know inside that I’m on the right path just need to change a few new habits. #1 – carbs!!! They seem to be the easiest to eat but are starting to make me not feel as well and I think it’s slowing down my losing process, so I’m trying to take in less. We have put ourselves (Paul & I) on some strict budgeting with the upcoming wedding finances so carbs seem to be a lot cheaper too! I know it’s all up to me though, surgery helps but I’m not going to lose 100+ lbs. not helping it along.
My back seems to be pretty under control (god I hope I didn’t just jinx myself) since the epidural on May 11th. I still and always will have chronic back pain because the discs are degenerative but the spasms seem to be under control so my mobility is much better!!!
I have gone through such a myriad of emotions since May that I think I’ve more or less been in a depression that has made me just not try as much. Mother’s Day started it and then the summer months which include the entire families’ birthdays, all of which are the first without my Mom. I love my nephews more than life itself but it hurts me so much to see them growing and her not being at all of these special occasions. I know, I know, “she’s there in spirit”, I have to admit sometimes I just want to say – “F” that, it’s not enough, it’s not fair, and spirit or not the fact is she’s not here!!! Planning a wedding, even a small one is so unimaginable without her! Sometimes I’ll just be walking or sitting somewhere & bam – it just hits, your Mom is gone! The idea that I still can’t pick up the phone or go see her shocks me everyday and it’s been 8 months already. I now fully understand how my Mom felt when my Bubbie passed away, how hard it was for her even 10 years later! Yes, I try with all my might not to dwell, not to think about it but when your Mom is your best friend and such a major part of your daily life, how can you just tune it out – how heartless!!! I know she’s with me, I know in my heart she’s in a better place, etc., but it’s still BS & not fair!!!!
Here’s the hardest part and probably a lot of why I can’t write, I have horrible dreams about her. I’m so jealous when my sister says she dreamt of Mom and she was so happy, beautiful and full of life because she’s not like that in mine. I don’t have to be a shrink to know that it’s an internal battle of my own anger. Mom is in many of dreams, almost nightly but she’s so mean in all of them. We fight all the time and nothing is ever resolved (except me waking exhausted and feeling horribly depressed). For all those reading and worrying, I’ve been on medication for depression & anxiety for years so no worries about rushing to see a Doc.! I know that I’m angry that she died at only 58, I’m angry that I don’t think I was patient with her the last few months and that I’m positive our last phone call wasn’t a great one, although ended in I love you. I know that Mom knows how I felt even when I did lose my patience, when I leaned more on Paul than her those last few months, etc., but I’m angry, hell I’m PISSED OFF, not at her but at myself a bit and at God, her Dr.’s, etc. Logically, spiritually, I believe that when it’s your time it’s your time but IT WASN’T MY TIME FOR IT TO BE HER TIME, if that makes sense. She was too young, too loved and now way too missed. I know that my feelings and emotions are normal, but I do believe the last few months they’ve finally hit and are holding me back in certain aspects, like the weight loss and I know its ok. It took me 37 (on Sat.) years to get to this point so I can’t expect it to all shed over night but I am hoping that with some more pounds shed I will gain more strength, life strength, anger strength, time strength and strength for understanding.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Bathing Suit Weather...
Well folks, it's that dreaded time of year, time to put on our bathing suits and show the world what we attempt to hide underneath our clothes the rest of the seasons. I put my suit on Sunday afternoon for the first time since last year and it's too big in certain areas and lays just perfect in others (as opposed to being tight)!!! I still have a long way to go and trust me, I have no fantasy misconceptions that I'll ever feel or look 100% good in a bathing suit but adding a little bit of confidence when wearing it is a great feeling!!!
I am finally getting my back issues taken care of and since my lumbar spine epidural on May 11, 2012, I haven't suffered from any muscle spasms! I have been able to start exercising, although I won't say it's daily; I may be losing weight but it's unfortunately not taking my laziness with it. The plan is to start using the apartment pool as often as possible. The resistance from walking/jogging/swimming is the best for me and it'll keep me cool at the same time. I'm making a promise to myself to start this week and go no less than 4 days a week. I've been blessed (or cursed) since surgery that I'm able to eat anything and not get sick, including sweets. Sure, I eat like a rabbit but I haven't been shy when wanting to indulge a bit. I haven't had like cake/cupcakes, etc. but a cookie or a bit of ice cream here and there is amazing. Bread seems to be the only thing that just fills me up way too quick so I am trying to stay away from it. It's so crazy remembering when I could eat a 1/2 a pizza and now I can barely consume 2 small pieces. I don't find myself truly missing anything, well soda -- just the fizz at times I'd love one, or a cold beer on these horribly hot Texas days but I'm not doing it.
The hardest thing for me right now is hair loss! I'm not sure it's noticeable to others as much as me because it's long but I can tell when I run my fingers through and in the shower. I'm trying to use repairing shampoo and wash less as well as comb instead of brush and lots of biotin on top of my daily vitamins. I have very fine hair as it is and constant new growth so I'm not freaking about going bald or anything like that anytime soon, just trying to keep the strength of what I have.
Hearing compliments, especially from those I haven't seen in a while, gives me such confidence and fuel to keep pushing and staying on the right track. It'd be very easy to start sodas, etc. and stretch my tummy back out but I'll be damned if I'll let that happen.
With my wedding fast approaching I'm going to put myself on a stricter regimen so that I feel amazing walking towards my love that day!
It's so weird to imagine that 4 months ago I was on pure liquids, crying nightly as Paul gave me shots for 10 nights and offered me more broth, I thought I'd never make it and just wanted to undo it all so bad, I barely remember those days now! I still enjoy what I eat 100% and I love that if we go out I can eat my leftovers for 3 more meals :) I still have a long way to go but I'm getting there. I think I had hoped for faster and larger results but I think 62 lbs. in 4 months is pretty damn good and probably a lot more healthy than tons more; still -- HERE'S TO TONS MORE!!!!!!
I am finally getting my back issues taken care of and since my lumbar spine epidural on May 11, 2012, I haven't suffered from any muscle spasms! I have been able to start exercising, although I won't say it's daily; I may be losing weight but it's unfortunately not taking my laziness with it. The plan is to start using the apartment pool as often as possible. The resistance from walking/jogging/swimming is the best for me and it'll keep me cool at the same time. I'm making a promise to myself to start this week and go no less than 4 days a week. I've been blessed (or cursed) since surgery that I'm able to eat anything and not get sick, including sweets. Sure, I eat like a rabbit but I haven't been shy when wanting to indulge a bit. I haven't had like cake/cupcakes, etc. but a cookie or a bit of ice cream here and there is amazing. Bread seems to be the only thing that just fills me up way too quick so I am trying to stay away from it. It's so crazy remembering when I could eat a 1/2 a pizza and now I can barely consume 2 small pieces. I don't find myself truly missing anything, well soda -- just the fizz at times I'd love one, or a cold beer on these horribly hot Texas days but I'm not doing it.
The hardest thing for me right now is hair loss! I'm not sure it's noticeable to others as much as me because it's long but I can tell when I run my fingers through and in the shower. I'm trying to use repairing shampoo and wash less as well as comb instead of brush and lots of biotin on top of my daily vitamins. I have very fine hair as it is and constant new growth so I'm not freaking about going bald or anything like that anytime soon, just trying to keep the strength of what I have.
Hearing compliments, especially from those I haven't seen in a while, gives me such confidence and fuel to keep pushing and staying on the right track. It'd be very easy to start sodas, etc. and stretch my tummy back out but I'll be damned if I'll let that happen.
With my wedding fast approaching I'm going to put myself on a stricter regimen so that I feel amazing walking towards my love that day!
It's so weird to imagine that 4 months ago I was on pure liquids, crying nightly as Paul gave me shots for 10 nights and offered me more broth, I thought I'd never make it and just wanted to undo it all so bad, I barely remember those days now! I still enjoy what I eat 100% and I love that if we go out I can eat my leftovers for 3 more meals :) I still have a long way to go but I'm getting there. I think I had hoped for faster and larger results but I think 62 lbs. in 4 months is pretty damn good and probably a lot more healthy than tons more; still -- HERE'S TO TONS MORE!!!!!!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Over the "hump"
I feel as if I've been avoiding an update, I just haven't had my "writing mindset" for quite some time now. I get my passion for writing from my Mom and since her passing it's almost like it I just can't put thoughts into words.
4 days from now marks 3 months since surgery, I'm in awe. I remember during the 3 weeks of liquids when I'd cry to Paul thinking I'd never get through it, crying with regret nightly, and now I can't even remember having the procedure.
This past Friday I went to the doctor for my back issues and was so upset because for 2 weeks straight I was still only at a 49lb. loss and I'd been praying to get to the 50lb. loss. Saturday morning I decided to go ahead and weigh on my scale as I do every Saturday morning and it happened...I got over the hump!!!! I have lost 51 pounds since January 9th!!! Aside from my back issues (mild degenerative joint disease/arthritis and severe muscle spasms that I'll probably start PT for), I feel great. My lab work shows that I'm good on all my nutrition except iron but I've always been anemic and my sugars aren't borderline anymore!!!
Almost all of my pants are too big but I am still in between and don't want to spend $$ on anything as I'll continue losing so I BOUGHT MY FIRST BELT ever!!!
I finally see it on myself more and Paul does too (it's hard when you see someone daily). I've seen some family and friends recently that haven't seen me since before surgery and they certainly notice and it's the best feeling and just makes me so thankful for going through this all.
I'm determined to truly start at least a 4 day a week exercise regimen next week because I want to lose at least another 40-50 by August 18 -- my wedding day!!!! I think that's been more exciting than the weight loss (maybe not but don't tell Paul). It's so funny how we finally set a date. Friday a few weeks ago we were just sitting outside at Dad's as we often do on Friday nights, Dad asked when we were getting married and we said August and then bam we picked a date, called the "immediates" to make sure their schedules were clear and went from there. I have never wanted a big wedding and without my Mom I honestly don't want one at all but it means so much to Paul to have a ceremony and for it to be officiated by a man or woman of God. We have already met with and booked a Rabbi that does interfaith weddings, we decided to have the ceremony at my Brother's home, some place I feel comforted, some place I feel my Mom's presence very strongly. We are inviting only immediate family which to me includes my Aunts, Uncles and first cousins, and my bestest friend. I want something low key, food, fun, drinking, talking, etc., because that's when my family always has the most fun. I hope that all my other friends and family understand. It'll be a very hard night without my Mom but I'm certain I'll feel her.
So, that's it for now, hopefully my little plateau is gone for a few months and I can keep shedding the weight and truly start my new life, as a much healthier Mrs. than I am a Ms.
4 days from now marks 3 months since surgery, I'm in awe. I remember during the 3 weeks of liquids when I'd cry to Paul thinking I'd never get through it, crying with regret nightly, and now I can't even remember having the procedure.
This past Friday I went to the doctor for my back issues and was so upset because for 2 weeks straight I was still only at a 49lb. loss and I'd been praying to get to the 50lb. loss. Saturday morning I decided to go ahead and weigh on my scale as I do every Saturday morning and it happened...I got over the hump!!!! I have lost 51 pounds since January 9th!!! Aside from my back issues (mild degenerative joint disease/arthritis and severe muscle spasms that I'll probably start PT for), I feel great. My lab work shows that I'm good on all my nutrition except iron but I've always been anemic and my sugars aren't borderline anymore!!!
Almost all of my pants are too big but I am still in between and don't want to spend $$ on anything as I'll continue losing so I BOUGHT MY FIRST BELT ever!!!
I finally see it on myself more and Paul does too (it's hard when you see someone daily). I've seen some family and friends recently that haven't seen me since before surgery and they certainly notice and it's the best feeling and just makes me so thankful for going through this all.
I'm determined to truly start at least a 4 day a week exercise regimen next week because I want to lose at least another 40-50 by August 18 -- my wedding day!!!! I think that's been more exciting than the weight loss (maybe not but don't tell Paul). It's so funny how we finally set a date. Friday a few weeks ago we were just sitting outside at Dad's as we often do on Friday nights, Dad asked when we were getting married and we said August and then bam we picked a date, called the "immediates" to make sure their schedules were clear and went from there. I have never wanted a big wedding and without my Mom I honestly don't want one at all but it means so much to Paul to have a ceremony and for it to be officiated by a man or woman of God. We have already met with and booked a Rabbi that does interfaith weddings, we decided to have the ceremony at my Brother's home, some place I feel comforted, some place I feel my Mom's presence very strongly. We are inviting only immediate family which to me includes my Aunts, Uncles and first cousins, and my bestest friend. I want something low key, food, fun, drinking, talking, etc., because that's when my family always has the most fun. I hope that all my other friends and family understand. It'll be a very hard night without my Mom but I'm certain I'll feel her.
So, that's it for now, hopefully my little plateau is gone for a few months and I can keep shedding the weight and truly start my new life, as a much healthier Mrs. than I am a Ms.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Feeling Great!
It's been 2 months since my surgery and I feel great!!! I've been a bit discouraged, just because of my own mind. I guess I wanted to see larger numbers (loss) faster but in reality, having lost 45 lbs. since Jan. 9 (almost 3 months) isn't anything to cry about!!
People that don't see me as often definitely voice that they see a difference, myself and Paul don't see it as much visually (unless comparing to other pics, etc.) but I do feel it in my clothes and I'm wearing some that were too tight or had shrunk, etc.
I have eaten pretty much everything I've ever eaten before, of course in much much much smaller portions, and so far (knock on wood) I haven't experienced any adverse affects. I enjoy everything I eat and I'm OK when I'm full. I've noticed that my body tells me when I've had enough, I usually feel full and burp once and then have a bite or 2 more and then I hiccup, either one big one or continuous and I know to stop. Since the 6 week mark of eating pretty much whatever I want I have only experienced pain once and it was very minor and from bread.
Originally the nutritionist had said to just make sure to take a B12 vitamin once a week but after reading the label and asking around I'm taking it daily and it definitely helps with energy.
I haven't really started an exercise regimen because I pulled out my back but that is the plan for this week. I know this sounds corny but I have like 5 Richard Simmons VHS' and I'm starting with those. I love the music, I love that it's not all skinny-mini people working out with you and I can do it in my own home!!!
I'm so motivated to lose the next 5 lbs. and say I've lost 50 so I'm hoping it will be only a week or so :)
All-in-all, this has been such an amazing ride and I can't even believe how far I've come. I remember crying to Paul the first few weeks when I was on liquids and just knew there wasn't an end in sight but there was...an end to liquids but not to my new life!!!!
People that don't see me as often definitely voice that they see a difference, myself and Paul don't see it as much visually (unless comparing to other pics, etc.) but I do feel it in my clothes and I'm wearing some that were too tight or had shrunk, etc.
I have eaten pretty much everything I've ever eaten before, of course in much much much smaller portions, and so far (knock on wood) I haven't experienced any adverse affects. I enjoy everything I eat and I'm OK when I'm full. I've noticed that my body tells me when I've had enough, I usually feel full and burp once and then have a bite or 2 more and then I hiccup, either one big one or continuous and I know to stop. Since the 6 week mark of eating pretty much whatever I want I have only experienced pain once and it was very minor and from bread.
Originally the nutritionist had said to just make sure to take a B12 vitamin once a week but after reading the label and asking around I'm taking it daily and it definitely helps with energy.
I haven't really started an exercise regimen because I pulled out my back but that is the plan for this week. I know this sounds corny but I have like 5 Richard Simmons VHS' and I'm starting with those. I love the music, I love that it's not all skinny-mini people working out with you and I can do it in my own home!!!
I'm so motivated to lose the next 5 lbs. and say I've lost 50 so I'm hoping it will be only a week or so :)
All-in-all, this has been such an amazing ride and I can't even believe how far I've come. I remember crying to Paul the first few weeks when I was on liquids and just knew there wasn't an end in sight but there was...an end to liquids but not to my new life!!!!
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