BIG step!

Today began as a bit of a rough day for me mentally & emotionally, it's 11/11/11 and as I've commented many times, mirrored numbers in times & dates were important to my Mom, she always said make a wish it's 11:11, etc., and all my life I've done the same. I had quite a bit of anxiety at work this morning with frustrations there and just my mind running rampant as it always does but worse since Mom passed. Paul called to ask my sister-in-law's phone number and of course I was a mess, I was certain he was calling her as she's a counselor and forewarning her that he would be leaving me and perhaps she should be prepared to console me. I know you're all thinking I'm nuts but being as he did leave me once and yes, he came back 3 months later, I still fear the worst and after recent events I'm just sure that everyone is going to "leave" me. Paul texted and said don't make lunch plans I'm taking you out but he wasn't clear on details. A little later he called and asked if he could send an email to work and for me to forward it to my Dad, of course I did and gained insight into why he wanted to speak to Amber. Paul had wanted to contribute to some of the funeral costs and he had taken the $ to her before picking me up. Side note -- what came next wasn't incorporated with his wish to contribute it was just kinda a prelude to the "BIG STEP". He picked me up for lunch and asked me to read the letter he had written Sammy. It brought tears to my eyes and he asked me to take off my sunglasses. With tears in his eyes he said that he wished my Mom was here for this moment and then said, "Shelby Hope Kolodny, will you do me the honor of marrying me?" YES YES & YES!!!!! We hugged and kissed (oh yes -- this was all in the Cigna parking lot lol) and he put the ring on my finger and I looked him in the eyes and said Mom is here with us and it's 11/11/11 - it was perfect!!!! Simple, loving, classic -- everything that I would want!!!!

I was elated and so proud but apparently my mass text message didn't reach everyone so Facebook was the broadcaster, I apologize for that, I honestly sent a text to all my close friends & family and we can thank the iPhone for whatever reason it didn't get out. I then, of course, went to get my nails done -- a girl can't possibly show off her gorgeous engagement ring w/o nails!!!!

I miss my Mom, I'm still in shock and numb and yet I felt at peace today. I am positive that Mom was and is watching over us, that she knew how much Paul loves me and will continue to all the days of our lives.

Now I get to think about surgery and how if I decide to have a wedding (it'll be very small), I'm gonna rock a dress!!!!!

YAY US!!!!!

I love you Paul!!!!!