Official count down...

Yesterday I posted the following as my status on Facebook to tie into this blog and my time in life right now:

"To get through the hardest journey we need to take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping!" Every day without my Mom seems harder than the one before but as I approach the turning point (surgery on Monday) in the steps of my new life, I keep stepping, knowing she's guiding my path!!!!

So, my surgery is MONDAY -- OMG -- 4 days!!! I can't believe where the time has gone. I made my decision to go for this dream in July, had my consult with the surgeon and started the 6 months of diet monitoring for insurance approval. I think I always hoped I'd get to this point but until you are here you can't bank on it 100%.

Many things have happened since my decision and I won't pretend to say that it hasn't made me think twice many times about moving forward, obviously the most life changing being the death of my Mom. Daily, even now, I wonder how I'm going to get through this without her here. I know she's with me always but I mean her physical presence, her here to be my Mommy and nurse as she has been for 36.5 years. I am pretty much 100% positive that during my time off work during recovery is when I will fully grasp the truth that she's not here, not because I lack support or love, I have an abundance of "nurses" ready & willing, but I think most of us know that in the end, we want our Mom, especially when you had a bond and friendship like me and my siblings shared with ours. So while I am certain it's not going to be easy without her, it's knowing how proud of me she is that pushes me even more.

I made this decision solely for ME, I didn't tell people at first that I was looking into this, I didn't speak about it in depth with anyone really, not Mom, not Paul, I just took my best friend Jen (who by the way is my inspiration for this!!! 4 months and she's down over 60lbs. Her strength and constant reassuring to me is what has gotten me here!!!!!) and went to the consult and it was decided, by me and for me!!!!

So here we are, days before surgery, my last day of work until Feb. 6th. 1.5 weeks of 2 week pre-op diet down, 10lbs lost as of Tuesday, pre-op labs, EGD, EKG, all done. I have a full weekend of preparation still -- lots of vitamins, soups, etc. to purchase, LOTS of cleaning so that all of my amazing & loving friends & family can come visit whenever and some special time with Paul before I go through weeks of emotions, and his role turns from loving fiance to loving nurse-fiance :)

For all those that read my blog I know that you have shared this journey with me, you have said prayers, sent love, sent money to help cover upfront costs (I'm speechless at this!!!) and you have showed me that I am so unbelievably blessed -- not many people can count on their hands people they know 100% are there for them at any cost, any time -- I seriously don't have enough fingers and toes to count the amount here for me, I believe that is because of Mom, the woman and mother she was is exactly why I am the woman that I am!!!

I love you all and here's to shedding the pounds one step at a time!!!!!!