A14 year old girl is having dinner with her father & sister on his last night in town, dinner is nice and as he drives up to drop off his daughters he tells his youngest (with little love in his voice, at least to the 14 year old), "your Mother and I are sending you to a weight doctor!"
Welcome into the psyche of Shelby!!! (You have every opportunity to run and never look again at this point!)
I remember that day as if it was yesterday, I can still hear my father's voice as if it's playing in slow motion over & over again. I was hysterically crying and I thought dinner was going to come back up, this very well may have been the onset of my anxiety issues as well. I ran into the house into the arms of my mother, my best friend. I don't remember if I told her what he'd said or if my sister did but she was not happy about the way it had been told to me but did say it was true. I didn't know what to do, where to go, surely my mom wouldn't have agreed to this!!! She had agreed although it wasn't her planning or decision.
I took the day off school, we drove down to Baylor Dallas, nervous but singing and talking, having fun as we always did, just mom and me. The doctor I was to meet with officed out of a hospital room, all that was missing was the beds. She began her "interview" if you will...Shelby why are you crying? Shelby have you ever been touched, molested? Shelby has your step-dad ever touched you? NOOOOO!!!! For the first time in my life I raised my voice and talked back to an elder! Mom yelled at me, apologized to the doctor and we left, we went to lunch after and of course she made me feel better and promised she'd never put me through anything like that again.
I think from that year on I just continued to put on more & more weight and the more family members brought it up (I don't think grandparents know how mean they can be when they think it's just love) the more I gained. Maybe it became a defense mechanism, I don't know, I'm not going to psycho analyze myself, not at this point at least.
Fast forward...I'm 36 years old, I'm morbidly obese and I am starting a journey (with prayers of insurance approval) to make a change in my life for ME -- not for family members, not for mean bullies all my life, not for guys I crushed on that wouldn't give me the time of day as more than a friend, not even for the many guys that would have married me in a heartbeat because I wasn't ready to do it for ME!!!!
I have met with a bariatric surgeon, I have completed 2 nutritionist/dietitian visits, had 1 Dr.'s written diet recommendation (counts as 1 month, need 6 consecutive), go next week for 3rd dietitian class, psych evaluation and sleep study...all for insurance approval to have the Gastric Sleeve Bariatric Surgery, god-willing at the end of December but it could be Jan./Feb.
I have the support of my family (it's taken me many, many years to believe the hateful words came from love of wanting me healthy), my friends always stand beside me and I have an amazing boyfriend who supports and loves me no matter what. Most importantly, I have the support of MYSELF!!! I finally made the choice to take this journey for Shelby and nobody else!!!!
So, as of today, it's all just in the planning and praying stages. I have met my deductible so I am praying and wishing and hoping with all my might that I can get approval and a set date prior to Jan. 1 but I won't have my last dietitian visit probably until Dec. 1. We (the surgeon's office) are discussing possibly submitting everything early and see if they'll approve based on 4 months instead of 6 with all my medical records, etc. but if they deny it then I'll have to appeal and I'm not sure which route will be quicker; you'd think because I work for my insurance company it'd be easier but I can't seem to find that loop-hole yet.
I've "secreted" it many times: I am having this surgery in December, I will be recovering over NYE and be on the pre-surgery diet for Christmas but it will be worth it!!!
I will continue to use this blog as my outlet for venting, praying, sharing the steps of my journey and probably most of all prayer requests.
I'm so ready & excited for the next chapter in my life and I'm proud to share it with all of you.
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